you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
