u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're using joints as your birthday candles
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
