chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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