I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize