If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
