your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
