Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
