i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
