just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
