Yo dont text me then not text me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So many bounce houses so little time
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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