OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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