Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
