First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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