Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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