I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
