I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
