I will die if light touches me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
