i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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