someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
