it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
