So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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