I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
