sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
