Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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