I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
