Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
