So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
