Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
