So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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