Jerry, you need to find god
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
