I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
