I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
