Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize