hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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