I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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