just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did i walk over a car last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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