Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
