I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
