I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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