even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
