hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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