man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
