I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
