Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
