You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
