Taylor Swift is so right about you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
