I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
