Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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