totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
