No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
