sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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