I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
should my penis look like a turkey
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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