Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
