my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
