You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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