I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
