he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
