It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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