I think im going to throw up on grandma
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
