Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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