at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
