The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
