I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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