I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
