I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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