so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
