what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
