Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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