i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
