also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
