arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
