I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
